Generally, most practical jokes involve getting some newbie/greenie to do something, which, on shore, would seem absurd, but since it's a ship -it's a custom !
"go get the keys to the chain locker"
The joke is...
the chain locker is a compartment where the anchor chain is stored. It has no keys, doors, or other real need for a "lock" therefore the person will scurry about the ship aimlessly looking for the key.
The joke is...
the chain locker is a compartment where the anchor chain is stored. It has no keys, doors, or other real need for a "lock" therefore the person will scurry about the ship aimlessly looking for the key.
"go get a gallon of prop wash"
The joke is . . .
There are many chemicals on ships, and every job practically requires a special product. Prop wash is water turbulence aft of the ship created by the propeller therefore a waste of time since its just seawater.
The joke is . . .
There are many chemicals on ships, and every job practically requires a special product. Prop wash is water turbulence aft of the ship created by the propeller therefore a waste of time since its just seawater.
"get me the left handed crescent wrench"
The joke is . . .
There is no such things as a left, or right, handed crescent wrench. Some tools like the crescent and the pipe wrench are designed in a way where someone, i.e.: "deck ape", may find them to be for a left or right hand application. This is not the case. Also works with "brass magnet"
The joke is . . .
There is no such things as a left, or right, handed crescent wrench. Some tools like the crescent and the pipe wrench are designed in a way where someone, i.e.: "deck ape", may find them to be for a left or right hand application. This is not the case. Also works with "brass magnet"
"get me ten feet of shore line"
The joke is . . .
well... seems pretty obvious until your are new to the marine world where every piece of rope has a name, heaving line, spring lines, tie up line, rat line, etc. So it may be easy for the prey to be hesitant, especially if it sounds like an order from a superior.
The joke is . . .
well... seems pretty obvious until your are new to the marine world where every piece of rope has a name, heaving line, spring lines, tie up line, rat line, etc. So it may be easy for the prey to be hesitant, especially if it sounds like an order from a superior.
"go water the captain's rose"
the joke is . . .
Once again the scepticism of the sailor may be quashed by the all mighty authority of your accomplice, the captain. Generally, maps have an insignia designating the position of "north". On a nautical chart, this reference contains a bit more information and is called the "rose" -"chart rose". If the captain plays along, the victim should be running up to the captain's cabin countless times, as the captain is "too busy right now", to water his "garden".
the joke is . . .
Once again the scepticism of the sailor may be quashed by the all mighty authority of your accomplice, the captain. Generally, maps have an insignia designating the position of "north". On a nautical chart, this reference contains a bit more information and is called the "rose" -"chart rose". If the captain plays along, the victim should be running up to the captain's cabin countless times, as the captain is "too busy right now", to water his "garden".
"go grease the relative bearing"
The joke is . . .
Relative bearing is a nautical term - the position of a vessel, navigational aid or such in relation to your vessel. So the victim should get an ear full from the chief engineer when they try to find out where on the ship they should applied the grease they are carrying.
The joke is . . .
Relative bearing is a nautical term - the position of a vessel, navigational aid or such in relation to your vessel. So the victim should get an ear full from the chief engineer when they try to find out where on the ship they should applied the grease they are carrying.
"go blow out the sound powered telephone"
The joke is . . .
This is where naval heritage and modern communication clash. Most ships have modern communication between the compartments, but they also have a simple back up system which is there but seldom used. It's called the sound powered telephone. This device which is very much like a telephone but with a built power supply is a far cry from the sounds tubes used to belch orders from the bridge in old war movies. Some older navy ships may still have them, and unless you're on them, the victim will look silly looking for something to blow out.
The joke is . . .
This is where naval heritage and modern communication clash. Most ships have modern communication between the compartments, but they also have a simple back up system which is there but seldom used. It's called the sound powered telephone. This device which is very much like a telephone but with a built power supply is a far cry from the sounds tubes used to belch orders from the bridge in old war movies. Some older navy ships may still have them, and unless you're on them, the victim will look silly looking for something to blow out.
"get the HT punches"
The joke is . . .
HT's is the naval designation for "hull tech's" (welders, metallurgists, handymen, gen purpose engineers) These guy would gladly beat the crap out of some poor newbie who came by asking for an HT punch.
Submitted by Mike C.
The joke is . . .
HT's is the naval designation for "hull tech's" (welders, metallurgists, handymen, gen purpose engineers) These guy would gladly beat the crap out of some poor newbie who came by asking for an HT punch.
Submitted by Mike C.
"get the skyhook"
The joke is . . .
Once again, there is no such thing. A sky hook is an utopian dream of where a block, tackle or anything else could be secured to. Can't secure anything to thin air, so unfortunately, it's just a wish. But it doesn't hurt to send the new guy looking for it.
Submitted by Roger, at http://dnausers.d-n-a.net/dnetkvoc/
The joke is . . .
Once again, there is no such thing. A sky hook is an utopian dream of where a block, tackle or anything else could be secured to. Can't secure anything to thin air, so unfortunately, it's just a wish. But it doesn't hurt to send the new guy looking for it.
Submitted by Roger, at http://dnausers.d-n-a.net/dnetkvoc/
"you get the spark watch"
The joke is . . .
You assign the most eager beaver deck cadet to keep an eye on the ships funnel. This will keep the deck cadet busy up on top of the house. Be sure to give him a bucket of water and mop to put the sparks out as they leave the stack. It works best when it is raining. ...you just never know when hot air is going to set a steel ship ablaze!
Submitted by mydk
The joke is . . .
You assign the most eager beaver deck cadet to keep an eye on the ships funnel. This will keep the deck cadet busy up on top of the house. Be sure to give him a bucket of water and mop to put the sparks out as they leave the stack. It works best when it is raining. ...you just never know when hot air is going to set a steel ship ablaze!
Submitted by mydk
"go fill the port and starboard nav lights"
The joke is . . .
Obviously this one is gonna get your prey to ask, "huh ?" And at this time you state very officially that they need to take the green oil, and the red oil up on the bridge, then go fill the lenses of the nav lights on top of the bridge. Yeah I know, it's a stretch, but the delivery is crucial for this joke to work.
The joke is . . .
Obviously this one is gonna get your prey to ask, "huh ?" And at this time you state very officially that they need to take the green oil, and the red oil up on the bridge, then go fill the lenses of the nav lights on top of the bridge. Yeah I know, it's a stretch, but the delivery is crucial for this joke to work.
"Sunday services in #1"
The joke is . . .
It's sort of tradition to have fire and boat drills on Sunday. So when the new cadet, with his / her fancy uniforms, #1s, shows up on Sundays expecting to offer grace to the big guy up in the sky, they will end up greasing up their uniform during the boat drill.
The joke is . . .
It's sort of tradition to have fire and boat drills on Sunday. So when the new cadet, with his / her fancy uniforms, #1s, shows up on Sundays expecting to offer grace to the big guy up in the sky, they will end up greasing up their uniform during the boat drill.
"The long weight"
The joke is . . .
When a new "Tiff" joined our ship, one of the first things he was required to do was assist the Chief in calibrating some piece of equipment or other. It didn't really matter what. At some stage, he'd be told to "nip down to the stores for a long weight." The store man, of course, would nod sagely, and go and see if there was one to be had. Our "wet behind the ears" tiffy, you've guest it, was hanging around for ages. -He had gone down to the stores and got "a long wait".
Submitted by Chris Hartwell
The joke is . . .
When a new "Tiff" joined our ship, one of the first things he was required to do was assist the Chief in calibrating some piece of equipment or other. It didn't really matter what. At some stage, he'd be told to "nip down to the stores for a long weight." The store man, of course, would nod sagely, and go and see if there was one to be had. Our "wet behind the ears" tiffy, you've guest it, was hanging around for ages. -He had gone down to the stores and got "a long wait".
Submitted by Chris Hartwell
"Cooling Water/Steam for the Hand Rails"
Many senior cadets had many other junior cadets searching high and low for the valve to turn on the cooling water/steam for the Pipe hand rails. It was with great enjoyment we would watch some poor seasick fellow or gal wander all over that little vessel looking for the valve I believe that some are still searching for that valve.
Submitted by David Winsor
Many senior cadets had many other junior cadets searching high and low for the valve to turn on the cooling water/steam for the Pipe hand rails. It was with great enjoyment we would watch some poor seasick fellow or gal wander all over that little vessel looking for the valve I believe that some are still searching for that valve.
Submitted by David Winsor
"Go bilge fishing"
The joke is...
When cleaning the strainers, little critters and fish get into the bilge. When these critters get bigger, they can get into trouble and wreak machinery. So the cadet should hunt them down - well at least be a couple hours under the deck plates.
The joke is...
When cleaning the strainers, little critters and fish get into the bilge. When these critters get bigger, they can get into trouble and wreak machinery. So the cadet should hunt them down - well at least be a couple hours under the deck plates.
Crazy Bearings
One for an annoying deck officer (or just someone you dislike)...
Lift up one of the tile panels on the deck head of the persons cabin, begin to throw copious amounts of ball bearings on top of the remaining panels. Lower panel and exit cabin. Pray for bad weather and extreme rolling of the vessel....... Sweet Dreams!!!!
Submitted by Matt Forster
One for an annoying deck officer (or just someone you dislike)...
Lift up one of the tile panels on the deck head of the persons cabin, begin to throw copious amounts of ball bearings on top of the remaining panels. Lower panel and exit cabin. Pray for bad weather and extreme rolling of the vessel....... Sweet Dreams!!!!
Submitted by Matt Forster
Calibration of the Radar
..get a newbee to dress out in tinfoil jacket and gloves and hat, send them to stand out on the bow lifting his arms every so often. Make sure to get pictures!
Submitted by Chad Friend
..get a newbee to dress out in tinfoil jacket and gloves and hat, send them to stand out on the bow lifting his arms every so often. Make sure to get pictures!
Submitted by Chad Friend
Get the Port List
There is always some list to check off when doing our day to day business. Arrival list, departure list, garbage list, fire list and now the Port List. But of course the engineering cadet will be shooed away as the Mate is too busy to draw it up right this minute, keep em coming back again and again. Of course a few up and downs to the bridge, will tune them in to the fact that the ship may be listing slightly to port or starboard - mmmm, port list.
There is always some list to check off when doing our day to day business. Arrival list, departure list, garbage list, fire list and now the Port List. But of course the engineering cadet will be shooed away as the Mate is too busy to draw it up right this minute, keep em coming back again and again. Of course a few up and downs to the bridge, will tune them in to the fact that the ship may be listing slightly to port or starboard - mmmm, port list.
Lots of people I admire and respect, but I don't necessarily want to be like them. I'm too happy being myself. I don't have time to worry about what I'm projecting to the world. I'm just busy being myself.
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